A True Family Wedding

It’s the norm these days for weddings to take place stretching over days. These involve celebrating customs not related to Islam at all. It also leads to unnecessary and useless expenditure hence taking us away from the purpose: Gaining Barakah and Pleasing Allah Subhana o Ta’ala.

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate”. (Surah al Furqan; 22:67)

While planning my brother’s wedding a few years back, it was mutually decided to have a simple wedding. And Alhamdolillah the bride and her family also had the same intention. Both the families never got caught up in the pressure that we HAVE TO do such and such just because it’s the ‘IN’ thing, or to match up with the way others were doing it.

Event Management

There was no mehndi, mayoun, sangeet, baarat, rukhsati etc. Having no cultural, unislamic celebrations meant that we were relieved of the huge expenditure on themes, dresses, elaborately decorated halls, food, stress and fitnah of arguments between both the families. No sleepless nights practicing dance steps. Not going crazy roaming around the whole city looking for the perfect center piece for each table.

Dowry

My mother (who is the MIL!!) explicitly stated that no dowry was required at all. Infact she said it quite a few times, so much so, that on returning home one day, we had to tell her politely not to mention it again during the planning discussions lest the bride and her family thinks that we are indirectly stating the opposite. To this day we and my sister-in-love have a good laugh about it!!

On the other hand, my SIL too told us not to buy certain things for her, for eg, cosmetics, perfumes, etc because she already had bought her favorite brands and would be bringing along her stuff she was already using, instead of going on a shopping spree.

Nikah

The Nikah was done in the Masjid where only the immediate family members of the couple were present with two witnesses.

After the Nikah, an informal lunch was arranged at the groom’s home.

A’isha (May Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (May Peace & Blessings be upon him) said: “The most blessed marriage (Nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih).

Waleemah

Guest List

Even though the wedding was not being conducted in our home country where family and relatives are many, we still had loads and loads of friends and families in our country of residence. Making the guest list was a huge challenge but as we had the number of people in mind already so it was easier to fit in the guests accordingly.

Gender Segregation

There were two separate halls for the men and women which was really appreciated by everyone. The women were happy and excited that they could dress up in their best attire without having to worry about being in their Hijab and Niqab throughout the wedding in the presence of non-mehram men.

Food/Florist/Décor

The food and décor was provided by the hotel management. No elaborate decorations were needed as the décor provided by the hotel was simple yet beautiful. We only had to purchase two fresh flower bouquets for the sides of the stage as it was not provided by the hotel.

Food was to be served separately in the men and women halls; not very huge banquets but moderate number of dishes.

Bridal Dress

The bridal dress was left up to the choice of the bride. She designed her own dress and got it made on order instead of investing in a ridiculously expensive designer wear. The dress was absolutely gorgeous. As with most cases, the bridal wear is worn only once and then packed away, never to see day’s light. But this lovely bride lent it to another bride to be worn on her wedding.

Guest Reviews

The guests were very happy. There were many mutual friends who met each other after a long time at the waleemah. No music and blaring songs meant that there was no uncomfortable noise and people could talk and not scream. They all thoroughly enjoyed the wedding and appreciated the initiative we took towards conducting a simple yet exciting marriage.

What was avoided?

  • Blind following of standards set by society in the name of culture
  • Free mingling of opposite genders
  • Music/Songs/Dance.
  • Loans + Riba
  • Pleasing People
  • Over-exaggerating over dresses, accessories and themes

It’s not that there were no challenges going against the norms (set by society) but the point is that if one is confident of doing the right thing and wants to please Allah, then Allah definitely will make it easy. As a result, Allah Blesses the marriage, and puts love, respect and understanding in the hearts of the couple as well as the families.

17 comments

  1. Hina Sami says:

    I think the step change happens when we start thinking of weddings as a ‘religious’ function rather than just a ‘social’ function. We marry because it is the Sunnah of our prophet – peace and blessing be upon him and so that is the lens we need to see things through. It is heartening to know that you and others have been able to not only believe in the sunnah but actually bring it to life. What kills me is the innumerable people who feel the pain and agony that comes with planning elaborate weddings but lack the courage to stand against it. My family and I did stand up against status quo and we were hated for it. But we kept silent and let the storm pass knowing that we did it only for Allah. Today years later, we are only told what a good tradition it was to set and we smile knowing we could have done better. Old traditions are hard to break but once done, it makes you feel so much lighter. Kudos to you and May Allah give us all the courage to break free from the shackles of blind-following.

  2. Shahira says:

    Mashaallah 🙂 May Allah bless their marriage with love, happiness and success in ever way!

    I agree what is most difficult is going against the societal norms. I never wanted to wear gold on my wedding day yet I bowed down to pressure and wore a few.

    • nailasdiary says:

      Jazak Allah Khayr for your lovely Dua Shahira <3. Aameen.

      True, its tough facing the pressure when its none of peoples concern!! May Allah reward you for your patience. Aameen

  3. Muslim Mummy says:

    Dowry is one thing that I really hate! My MIL wanted furniture right down to cushions…when I wasn’t even staying in Pakistan. I had a go at my dad to stop him buying it all…but he still ended up buying a bed and wardrobes….now everyone who visits their house sleep on the bed and wreck it. Oh and a motorbike for hubby. Along with other small bits and bobs.

    Simplicity is the best!

    Mubarak on the nikkah and may their union be blessed in sha Allah.

  4. Sarah says:

    I’m so glad this topic is being talked about in such a positive manner! So much of unnecessary anxiety and stress can be avoided if we as a society educate ourselves on the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW instead of blindly following cultural norms. Much love Naila! May Allah SWT accept your family’s efforts and bless your lives with His barakah. Ameen x

  5. Aisha says:

    MashAllah! Your post is very inspirational for those who are in favour of a simple marriage and I am sure it will be a meaningful lesson for those who believe in marriage being extravagant.

  6. FARZANA RIJAS says:

    That was a good share Naila. 🙂

    It is disheartening to see the most expensive marriages take place in our community. It’s great to see people who heed to true Islamic teachings about marriage and expenses. Hope it inspires more and more people to do so Insha Allah.
    My regards to the bride too.Perfect choice for the perfect family 🙂

    • nailasdiary says:

      Jazak Allah Khayr Farzana for your kind words. We tried to do our best though could have done more better.

      May Allah Accept. Have conveyed your warm regards to my Sister – in- Love too 🙂

  7. Haya says:

    Masha Allah. May Allah bless your brother’s nikkah. Ameen.

    Indeed we need ummah to get back to basics of Islam. Thankfully, I get to see simple weddings nowadays. I hope this Sunnah prevails!

Leave a Reply